Partners that are secure in themselves are better able to truly be present, authentic and clear in their relationships. In the best cases, those with anxious attachment will find themselves in a relationship with someone who is secure, much like Carrie’s ex-fiancé, Aidan. As the authors, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, explain, people with anxious attachment styles “crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.” It seems we both struggle deeply with anxious attachment.Īccording to the theory, there are three main adult attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious. After reading Attached-my behavior analyst mother’s favorite book-I realized that Carrie and I shared more than just our love of writing. These are the kinds of questions I started to ask myself. Big trigger such an intense response from Carrie, and why did she keep going back? Her impulsive actions and lack of authentic introspection told us so much about Carrie’s complex nature. Though many would say Carrie’s plotlines were shallow, I would disagree. We thought that feeling secure meant being bored, while worry meant we were living out great love stories. Together, a new generation far from the 90s fell under the Sex and the City spell, lost in the notion that the greater the sadness, the more significant the relationship. Somehow, at 19, we all believed we had found our Bigs. Even my best friends, who had started to watch the show-dutifully identifying their turbulent relationships as their Bigs-agreed with me. Rather than take these interactions as red flags, I brushed them off as Mr. Their relationship, though marketed to be a passionate whirlwind romance, was a combination of pain and momentary pleasure, turbulence and security.Įven more startling than Carrie’s belief that this was real romance was that I believed it, too.Īfter my breakup, my ex-in typical Big fashion-would pop in and out of my life, whether through calls, direct messages, or in-person appearances. Big that I’d argue affected her the most. Of all Carrie’s destructive habits, it was the trials and tribulations with Mr. But at what point would the excitement die? When we reflected on our lives, would we see nothing of self growth, and only self-inflicted vices? I believed designer clothes and drama signified independence. I did not believe you could be an adult without happy hour-fueled not with cosmos and cigarettes, but my own Gen-Z twist of espresso martinis and vapes. I believed stories like hers-vibrant, flashy, dramatic-were necessary for a “full life”. But what pulled me in the most was Carrie’s lifestyle, which I viewed through rose-colored glasses. I immediately connected with the notion of a free-spirited writer and her best friends in the pursuit of life’s adventures and, of course, love. Naturally, I discovered Sex and the City as a journalism major who had just been through a breakup. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, I felt sorry for her and the younger version of myself for romanticizing the life she represented. For the first time, I can’t say I admire Carrie. But upon examining the show through the lens of actually living in New York in my 20s, my perspective has shifted. To a broke college freshman, her lifestyle was alluring-a chic combination of sipping cosmos at trendy clubs and memorable yet turbulent dates. As a 22-year-old writer who finally moved to New York City, I expected rewatching Sex and the City to reinforce my admiration for Carrie Bradshaw.
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